Nice forward mail

First-year students at Veterinary school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a real dead pig.



They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.



The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in their mouth.



When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation. I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention

Good one!!!

A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"

"You yuppies are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."

"Oh, my God!" screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"

My day at the bank

I am not sure about the other Indians in US, but most of the students here do not carry much cash in the wallets. There are very few places where you would need cash like laundry, cab drivers, road side shops(very few though). I cannot think of any other place where they wont accept credit or debit cards. I was planning to shift my house over the weekend so I had to rent a cab for shifting my stuffs. So I wanted some cash for paying the cab driver.

On Friday afternoon at around 3 pm I went to an ATM and picked up a $20 bill. Normally cab drivers do give the exact change back but there have been instances where they run out of change(at least that's what they tell us). So I wanted to make sure that I get change from the bank for the $20 bill.

Banks here in the US is not as crowded as we used to see in India so I entered one of the nearest banks and it was almost deserted. It was a bank pretty close to the university and I normally frequent that bank. There was a girl at the teller counter who was damn beautiful and I always wanted to talk to her for quite a long time. As no one was there at her counter I went and stood there in the line waiting for her to call me.

When she called me in after 10 secs my heart was pounding and I really don't know that reason. I have never felt like that before. :-)

She welcomed me and asked how she can help me out.

I was in such a state that I blurted out, "I need some change for 20 ducks". I mixed 20 bucks and 20 dollars and blurted it as 20 ducks.

She was laughing like hell and told me that we do not give changes here for ducks. Then I came back to reality and showed her my $20 bill and told that I wanted change for this. She gave me the change and asked me whether I was a student here in the university.

Then she was talking to me about general stuffs like my school, which I am from, etc. etc. The conversation lasted for almost 10 mins as she had too many questions about India. I was happily answering all the questions and she was very happy that I was talking to her. She even inquired me if the foreigners are exploited so badly as it is shown in the movie Slumdog Millionaire.

At last I don't feel bad for the mistake I made initially, though I feel embarrassed now. May be you will also agree to that.

It was my day at the bank

This one is for my Mom

I was talking to my parents yesterday on my phone. The usual Saturday evening talk, which happens to be the only time we talk for the week. I was telling my father that I am vacating from the current place and I will be moving to a new one. This is how the conversation went.

FYI: My parents always put their mobile on speaker phone when they talk to me.

Me: Appa, I am shifting my house to a better place this weekend.

Appa: How come it is a better place?

Me: It is a bigger house and the rent is also pretty less

Appa: How can that happen? Are you moving away from the University?

Me: Hmmmm, yes I am moving away. But not very much. Just an extra 5 mins walk.

Appa: Why do you need to do that? Are you moving with the same set of people with whom you are staying now?

Me: No, I am going to stay with a new person. All the other people are going to stay in the same apartment

Appa: Oh, Ok.

I was able to hear my Amma tell something in the background (probably she was little far away from the phone)

Amma: Ask him whether he is going to stay with a guy or a girl????????????

Appa: Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha

Me: @#!$%^%#@%&**%^$##%#$#^&*&^


I didnt expect this from my Mom though. May be she got suspicious with my replies. It took me 5 mins to clarify that I am going to stay only with a guy.

மகாபாரதக் கதை - For a change

ஓஷோ சொல்லும் கதைகளில் ஒன்று இது



திண்ணையில் அமர்ந்திருந்த தருமரிடம் பிச்சை கேட்கிறான் ஒருவன். ஏதோ வேலையாய் இருந்த அவர் ‘நாளைக்கு வாப்பா’ என்கிறார்.

இதைப் பார்த்துக் கொண்டிருந்த பீமன் உடனே முரசை எடுத்துக் கொண்டுபோய் கிராமத்தின் நடுவில் நின்று கொண்டு முரசடிக்கிறான்.

“தம்பி... என்னப்பா செய்கிறாய்? எதற்கு இப்போது முரசடித்து ஊரைக்கூட்டுகிறாய்?” என்று கேட்கிறார் தர்மர்.

“எங்கள் அண்ணன் காலத்தை வென்று விட்டான்’ என்று இந்த ஊருக்கு அறிவிக்கப்போகிறேன் அண்ணா..”

தருமருக்கு ஒன்றும் விளங்கவில்லை. “காலத்தை வென்றேனா.. நானா..?” குழப்பத்தோடே கேட்கிறார்.

“ஆமாம் அண்ணா. பிச்சைக்காரரை நாளைக்கு வரச் சொன்னீர்களே? நீங்கள் நாளைக்கு இருப்பீர்களா? அவன் நாளைக்கு இருப்பானா? நீங்கள் இருந்தால் பிச்சையிடும் மனோபாவம் உங்களுக்கு இருக்குமா? அவன் இருந்தால் நாளைக்கும் அவன் பிச்சைக்காரனாகவே இருப்பானா? நாளைக்கு உங்கள் இருவரின் சந்திப்பு நடைபெறுமா? அப்படியே நடைபெற்றாலும் பிச்சை போடுவீர்களா? எவ்வளவு நிச்சயமாய் இத்தனை கேள்விகளின் சாத்தியங்களை உணர்ந்து நாளை அவனை வரச் சொன்னீர்கள்? அப்படியானால் நீங்கள் காலத்தை வென்றுவிட்டீர்கள் என்றுதானே அர்த்தம்? என்னை விடுங்கள். இப்போதோ இதை ஊராருக்கு அறிவிக்கிறேன். ஏனென்றால் என்னைப் பொறுத்தவரை இந்த கணத்தை நான் தவறவிட்டால் அடுத்த கணம் நிச்சயமாய் என் வசமில்லை. அதனால்தான் இப்போதே அறிவிக்கிறேன் என்று அவசரப்படுகிறேன்” என்றான் பீமன்.

“பொறு தம்பி. தவறுதான். அவனை அழை. இப்போதே உதவுகிறேன். நாளை என்ன அடுத்த நிமிஷமே நிஜமில்லைதான்” என்று சொல்கிறார் தருமர்.


ஆக.. நல்லதை அன்றே அப்போதே செய்துவிடுங்கள். இந்த நிமிஷம் மட்டுமே நிஜம்!

This is how an Engineer thinks

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.

The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.

The group is silent for a moment.

The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Super star - The Greatest

Amazing Golf Joke

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

"I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"

Lunatics are better than Humans

Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.

Jon is called into the doctor's office first. The doctor says, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"

Jon says, "I'd be half blind."

"That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?"

"I'd be completely blind." The doctor tells him that he is free to go. On Jon's way out he tells Dan the questions and answers.

The doctor asks Dan, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"

Dan says, "I'd be half blind."

The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, "What would happen if I cut off both your ears?"

"I'd be completely blind."

"Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?" asks the doctor.

"Well," replies Dan, "my hat would fall over my eyes."

The President's Joke

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

Good joke!!!

A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.

The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.

The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."

When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."

Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.

When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"

Good Joke

Two bats are going for their midnight feed.
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."